This morning, I popped on YouTube to watch something whilst I was working through my work on the laptop. I happened to come across a documentary done on Solitary Confinement. 5 People were placed in complete solitary confinement for 5 days.
Here’s the link if you would like to watch – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH6SUTMQ__g&index=2&list=WL&t=0s
It was baffling and very interesting. Everyone struggled, it makes you strip back everything that you’re and what is important to you. For some, this was good and others not so much. I have always had a huge interest in psychology, experimentation (the voluntary kind, not animals) and many things along the line of mental health. As you know if you follow me, mental health is somewhat of a challenge for me and I’ve had my fair share of mental health issues over the years.
So, what’s my point of this post?
Well, watching this video this morning got me thinking about how I feel I would cope or maybe not cope being completely alone. Let’s pretend for a second that there’s been a zombie outbreak and the only thing I have the ability to do is write this post not knowing if it will even be read.
Onto the fun stuff….
In the beginning
I’ve just found out I’m the only one left on the planet…that I know of. Either way, I’m on my own. Firstly, I would panic. Queue the panic attacks, anxiety attacks and sugar attacks from consuming all the junk food in comfort. I would totally freak out and certainly wouldn’t look after myself. I would eat, sleep and repeat for quite some time before I dealt with my inner turmoil and the idea of being completely alone and never seeing people I care about again.
Then I would focus on gettings things I needed, the essentials for survival. By this time I will probably be a stone heavier and would need food, water and books for both reading and research on tips for survival, making fires that kind of thing. There would also be blankets, weapons and learning to avoid Zombies if that was the case and I haven’t already been turned into one.
Once I’ve got the essentials, avoided being bitten, killed a few zombies, pooped a few times and most of all stuffed my face some more. I would enjoy being ok for a brief moment. My anxiety would deal with me and I would wear the clothes I want to wear, go shopping without paying, eat all the chocolate bars before they go off and just do all the things you worry about people seeing. But then I would remember that no one would ever see it. I would see no point in clothes, pretty things and step back into that deep rabbit hole. Maybe at this point, I would take my anger out on a few chairs on Zombie’s heads. Either way, I would be very hateful at this point.
I would be resentful, feel hatred towards myself and question why I’m the only one left.
However, then I would calm down again. Maybe enjoy it for a little while, lot’s of thoughts feelings and apprehension. But then a reality check would hit me. Full fear factor. Sometimes I’m afraid of the dark, I don’t like surprises so I like to see what’s in front of me, something I can’t do in the dark. So, it scares me and this would likely be the biggest issue for me but not in the beginning. In the beginning, I would be distracted with thoughts of survival and zombies and missing people and items I loved. This would be the deepest hole to crawl out of. Knowing that I’m alone forever and if I’m ever in danger there will be no one to help. I will become petrified of the dark and the zombies. Heck, any noise in the night and I would jump out of my skin and hover over my body in the safety of the clouds for a while. With no chocolate left this would be a very tough time to get through.
After this dark, dark time which would be the most long-lasting… I would try and just get through every day and block out thoughts of family, friends, pets, and all the little things I used to enjoy. I would adapt and just maybe survive. I would learn to make my own chocolate. I would write my own books, create my own art. Heck, I would paint a frigging house pink unless zombies were attracted to that.
Food. All the food. I would get fat a lot. Then cry when I run out of food, starve for a while and then figure out how to make my own and get fat again. I would eat my own feelings. No doubt. This is not me making fun of people with these issues. This is what I would do. I would learn to hopefully grow some healthy food along the way though.
Lot’s of killing time this could mean killing zombies but generally, it would be more finding hobbies and things to do with all the time left in the world. I would read a lot of books, when I get bored of them I would hopelessly try and figure out how to get Electricity and fail miserably before weeping and going back to the books. Imagine the Smartypants I would become!
Oh, I would also make some loud noise as long as it was safe to do so. Maybe I would set a trap for zombies using this method. I would play the drums really loud and then run hell for leather or I would find all the batteries for stereos and play the same song on all of them at the same time….well maybe a little out of sync by the time I run around all of them and push play.
Cleaning would be another magical thing. I would handwash my clothes, dust and generally make things look pretty if I find a permanent safe house. Failing that, maybe carry family photos and a few plants with me to…sleep next to??? Who am I kidding, a plant wouldn’t survive that long with me.
Anything I could find that would bide my time. Maybe I would finally dye my hair ginger or blonde, or both, like a human version of a weird ass cat.
Can you imagine these colours as a hairdo and how bad it would look when I failed?
Emotions & Mental Health – Dealing?
Now, with my bad hairdo and dealing with being on my own all the time it would also become a big hobby of mine to pretend to be ok. I would deal with my emotions and state of mind by not dealing at all in this situation. With no therapist to hand other than books, I would fail many times at meditating and instead would move from area to area a lot whilst exploring and learning about who people were from there pictures, journals, possessions.
There would be lot’s of walking, lot’s of exploring and lots of crying.
there’s not really much to say about my emotions. Then would go through an aggressive, unrelenting cycle that I would likely repeat until I turn into a Zombie.
I would regularly have thoughts running through my mind, sad thoughts that I would keep busy to avoid paying too much attention to.
Feeling safe would be a huge aspect of my mental health as mentioned above with the darkness. A few weapons would aid in this. When I mean a few I more mean I would actually live in a gun shop…or a knife shop. Maybe it would be good for my clumsy self not to touch a gun for the first time in a zombie apocalypse. Avoiding danger, in general, would be my thing so no walking under any ladders either.
Maybe I could find a pet dog (hint, hint for the new book) that would be my child, therapist, teacher and parent all in one.
So would I cope?
Nope, I think at the beginning I would be anxious and cry a lot. Honestly I think my mental health would be a challenge but generally, I think I would either die from some kind of virus or disease or from my own darn clumsiness or lack of thinking things through. What might seem like a good plan may not be when I find myself hurtling down a hill in a car that won’t turn on at 70 miles an hour into a tree.
You know, I’m just not the most thought out person at times and that combined with my clumsiness would probably get me killed and eaten within hours of the outbreak so no fun shopping trips for me.
Now, obviously this is all ‘theory’ because honestly I can only guess how I would cope and if I would survive and no matter how more ‘preparation’ you do, unless you’re in that situation you really don’t know what you are capable of, you don’t know how strong you can be and how riveting the will to survive is.
Fun fact, the Zombie Apolocylse side of this post indirectly links to the book I’m currently writing and I am so excited for this one! I probably say that with every book I write but you get so involved in the story and the characters that they really drive the story forward and I’m just the puppet master writing what they say from there experiences. There are a few sneak peaks of this book under the ‘Sneak peeks’ section and on Facebook and Instagram.
To end. Referring back to the Original Study that inspired this. They were told they could take any 3 items in with them. My question to you is, what would be the three things you would take in with you? Whether it’s from running out of a house in a fire, running for your life from zombies or volunteering for a social experiment.
What would be the three items? For you.
Let me know below. I’m intrigued.
What would be mine I hear you ask? Ah, you tell me yours and I will tell you mine. Even post on Instagram about it and use #whatifwally so I will see it.